Monday, August 30, 2010

Passion Sings the Most Beautiful Goodbye

Sometimes I dont understand
Why I thought that I had
All the time in the world
To go and see you awhile
For just a little while.

Too caught up in my own life
I didn't see the pain you hid with a smile
And now you're not here with me
Shoulda been, coulda been, woulda been, alright

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time
Cus maybe then I'd be here by your side
Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won and he said well done
My faithful servent well done

Too many times in our lives
do we take things for granted
I dont understand it, no
When its right in front of our eyes
Thinking they would be here for all times

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time
Cus maybe then you'd be here by my side
Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won

Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that god holds your life
Your battle is finally won
Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time
Cus maybe then I'd be here by your side

Wish that I had done just a little more for you
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won
And God said well done

----
There is truth in his song. When you know they're in a better place, and yet you still miss them, wishing you did more for them.

Bring It On.

The former room mates have rejuvenated the proposal for the Burgundy Biggest Loser competition over pizza and lasagna yesterday. Least amount of percentage weight lost in one year pays for a Red Crab dinner. Isn't it ironic that the grand prize defeats the journey towards achieving the goal? Oh well, that restaurant's really expensive and we really like their "Maritess" crabs.

Bring it on, I am on a mission to win this competition, as per clocking in more hours at the badminton court, doing more runs at the gym and at the roads and being enslaved by my arch-enemy, Oatmeal. I am going to win this one girls, better watch out.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Ber Months

September's round the corner, in comes the "ber" months. Speak of such to any non-Filipino, they will not understand what that means. But every Filipino understands this phenomenon of the "ber" months perfectly well. Radio station deejays will start counting down to Christmastime and consequently, start playing Christimas songs. Yes, we do saddle up for the holidays quite early. Malls will once more be flocked with buyers and houses will be fully adorned with their respective versions of the Christmas tree. The nights feel longer during these months, the wind a bit chilly than the months before it. HBO and the Hallmark channels often do reruns of modern Christmastime movies such as my favorite, "The Holiday". Gotta love the Jack Black-Kate Winslet team-up. My favorite scene being the one where Al Pacino glances at them while they scour the halls of the movie rental shop for movies with unique and popular theme songs. It's so geeky and cute.

Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday, it's so happy and hopeful. The food, the gifts, the parties, the merriment, these are all fine and good. But for me the best part is that this is the calm patch that reminds us to be appreciative of life.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Painful to Watch Barbecue On TV

Senators grilling policemen, <-- too painful to watch, the flavor of barbecue malingers. But this is the kind of TV drama that needs to be drilled into the psyche of people. Understand that there is so much to be fixed in this broken government, make the government accountable to fix it.

These policemen had an opportunity to be great, but instead, here they are, drowning in a sea of systemic, protocol failure. Not enough gas masks, not enough training, bad judgement calls, uncontrolled media men, buying jollibee for generals. Even Gen. Magtibay seems dazed and confused. Men in uniform with grand titles as Senior Inspector, Chief Negotiator, Captain, etc, all flow down the drain simply because of systemic, protocol failure. Where did the millions for appropriate equipment and training go? To their fat bellies I presume.

Sadly, tourists are now even more scared to venture into this country. How can the tourists, whether Chinese nationals or otherwise, possibly enjoy a weekend here in Manila if the threat of being killed mercilessly on the streets is a possibility? No wonder they were quick to call discouragement to travel to the Philippines. I like travelling alone, going to a country where I feel safe in, and according to my standards this country, sadly my own home country isn't one country I'd travel to alone. Think about it? Rogue policemen can't even be controlled by their own, what more the real hardcore terrorists? I'm a local, and I'm scared. Who do I then trust for this country's security?

They need to fix the system from the inside, and in this case, a certain hostage taker Mendoza lit the timebomb. There is EPIC failure in the systems that the government has in place. It failed for Mendoza and his lack of grievance box, it failed for the Chinese nationals who died on vacation, it failed for the foot soldiers who knew nothing better, it failed for the media men who were unlikely accomplices for this mess, it failed for the generals who just want a nice fat retirement. EPIC failure. No one person can take the blame for all of this mess simply because the failure is thickly ingrained into the roots that the government stands on. Awful.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Media Frenzy

En route to my regular Badminton game at Metro last night, I listened to the clearest AM feed on my car radio. Tado and the Brewrats had to take the backseat to the hostage-taking drama happening at Manila. The feed from the AM channel was very disjointed, on some occasions, the field reporters were out of breath, seemingly part of the whole action, and at certain occasions, the reports weren't so clear, with rain, gunshots and shouts echoing at the background. It really wasn't making much sense because I suppose, things were happening on site and people, whether it be policemen, media reporters, bystanders were all jumpy with excitement.

As far as I'm concerened, this was a fiasco, I've watched too many CSI and Numb3rs episodes to know that the circumstances surrounding this event could very well lead to a disaster.

Surely, this hostage-taker meant business. HE had a fully loaded automatic machine gun, and as a decorated cop, he probably knew what he was doing. Or so we all presume about him. As I checked fezbook this morning, I came across a reference to the case this hostage taker wanted reviewed by the ombudsman or whoever took away his privileges as a retired cop. Yes, he was accused of extortion, and through a viral email, was forever ruined. Down with his career went his AFPSLAI red book pension, perhaps he believed that these benefits were worth fighting for. But was that what he was indeed fighting for? I doubt it.

He wanted to be heard, he wanted to shake this viral email fiasco off him, if what he claims is true, that he really isn't a bad cop, then why this rogue method of fighting the system? Couldn't he just have used media to propel an assault on this Christian Kalaw instead of terrorizing the country and these Hongkong nationals with guns and the threat of having them killed? There are ways to fight a battle without guns, he should've known that because he was a victim of such. He can still regain the respect he so desperately fought for, only he should've used methods that were far less deadly in order to be actually heard. Can you actually listen to what an armed man is saying when he's pointing that gun to someone? In Filipino, we'll ordiarily say, "Um-oo ka na lang."

Then you have the media, jumping at every opportunity. Come on, the whole brother throwing a fit outside the police station, why blow that up at that instance when the media very well knew that the hostage taker had access to a television inside his locked up bus? The hostage taker had his finger at the trigger the whole time, give him a reason to pull it, he will. And so he did. The media, perhaps reflective of this, "usisero" culture we have as Filipinos was in a quandary. They were reporting what they felt compelled to report and yet, they were indirectly causing a chain events that could have very well been avoided.

The reporter at ANC today grilled Isko Moreno, asking him repetitively the What if's questions. What if the brother was contained right away and didn't throw a fit, could things have ended peacefully? What if the negotiators gave the hostage taker more than what they had given, would he have released all of the hostages? What if the SWAT team had better training, could less hostages have been killed? These what if questions are dried water under the bridge.

Again, let me repeat, he had a fully loaded automatic machine gun and a finger on the trigger. Alright, he had something important to say, but sadly nobody wanted to listen because all that everyone could see was that he had that loaded gun aimed at someone. His message of "Get my case reviewed! Now na!" fell on deaf ears because the situation was too tense, too scary and too inevitably deadly.

So what now? Learn. Policemen should have better skills, find a grievance box somewhere if you have something against someone. Choosing to be rogue will not get you anywhere. Mediamen please be careful with your actions, best in Tagalog perhaps, "Wag magpadala sa kaguluhang nagaganap."

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Unreasonably Slow

Today of all days, my brain is unreasonably slow. I figured I'd write something here to get my blood going, but even this requires so much energy. I still feel exhausted from the prepwork for midterms. As a distant learning student, it's so easy to forget that I'm a real student. The exams yesterday were difficult but I'd say reasonable, I mean with better prepwork, I know I can do better next time.

So much to do. So little energy, so slow this brain today.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Special Needs

As a consequence of sparring with a new badminton crew, I perchanced to have met a new friend. He told me during our break time, that he has a child with special needs. As I dug deep into my nursing experience and theoretical training, when people use the phrase "child with special needs" they usually refer to children with autism. True enough, he told me that she's non-verbal and is undergoing intensive therapy on a regular basis.

And then he said this after telling me much of his story: "Actually, I won't be the person I am now if she hadn't been made part of my life.".

Now that got me to thinking. Provided that I'm taking up my Masters, it's been three days now since I started intensively studying my books on Theoretical Nursing, coming across words like cognition, developmental theories, systems theories, adaptation, cultural vs inherent capacity. My mind was flooded with interconnecting thoughts, these things are finally making sense to me, but before I share those thoughts. Let's go back to my new friend.

Given that I suffer from really bad muscle cramps when I exercise, I like to take breaks in between playing. During one break time, I crack open my new pretty red book, Mark Haddon's the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. I've been lagging on my leisurely reading lately as the school and work load take priority on the read list. Then as I was reading it, my new friend says to me, "Hey, I know that book. Do you know he's autistic?". I said, "Huh, the lead guy in this book's autistic?". He said, "Yeah.".

Again, my brain flooded with thoughts. I just thought that the lead character in this book was an ordinary guy, only eccentric and a little off from the ordinary norms. Come to think of it, quite simply phrased, a guy with special needs. In this book, the lead character's been trying to figure out who killed his neighbor's dog as such revealing an unusual perspective on life and things, like an aversion to all things yellow, preference of odd numbers over even and a systemic discomfort with new experiences and new faces.

Come to think of it, don't we all have special needs? Like me for example, I believe that my body needs more exercise than other people, hence, if I don't exercise (run, go to the gym, play badminton), I tend to gain weight, feel the back pain that resulted from an injury I've suffered a couple of months back and and consequently laze more than usual. I need the jolt of endorphins to get me going through my days to maintain some semblance of being healthy. So that's my special needs. We all have special needs, and autistic children are no different from us -- the so-called "normal" people.

I've always subscribed to Neuman's Systems Theory in my practice of nursing. People generally develop a core that they protect with lines of defenses against stressors and external threats. These lines are influenced by their genetic makeup, developed perspective of life, adherence to cultural norms and inherent stability.

So when you apply this to children with special needs, these kids develop differently from the norm because they were born with a different set of tools to begin with. They build their lines of defenses and strengthen a core that varies from the accepted "normal". The environs often are asked to maintain congruence with children of special needs instead of the other way around. Parents and caretakers mold the environs a little different in order for the children to thrive. I recently watched an episode of Maricel Laxa-Panganiban's Momworks where these children were featured. One guest explained how her family's life and dynamic were completely changed by having a son with special needs. Her life wasn't delimited but rather enhanced and made better by her son. She is one proud mother, perhaps as proud as any other mother of every other child. She learned from her son the power of life, how it can be made special no matter how unusual the circumstances are for her fmaily. Having a special needs child doesn't necessarily equate to difficulty, rather it denotes opportunity to be great in spite of apparent difficulty.

Children are engaged in life through their parents. Guided and allowed to grow under the care of adults, children often reflect their caretakers and mirror, they become little versions of their parents. Too often though, parents will succumb to the reality that these children, the very children they are expected to mold, mold them to be better versions of themselves. The circle of life continues on.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Randomness Part 3

It's raining cats, dogs, and kitchen sinks. Here we go again with the never ending rain, the flash floods that strike fear in the heart of drivers with automatic cars and yes, the gloomy mid-days that feel like forever. Sure, the rain will be a big help to the depleting water supply, yey for water but the rain is just another excuse to take a nap even if it's not time to take one.

In my randomness today, amidst the pressure from the boss to assume the panic mode, I searched for a stapler. And couldn't find one. The search took me about 15 minutes before waving the white flag.

I think I need another cup of coffee.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Mastering the Art of Drunkenness

Yesterday, I was useless. I was supposed to study for my pre-lim exams, run at least 3 of my daily 5k regimen, log-in some mileage on my Tolstoy and run my purchasing at the mall errands.

By 3pm, still nothing. I wasn't even making sense of the TV that I was watching, these CSI guys seem to be talking faster than usual. So I commanded my noggin to make sense of the show as a measure of my ability to absorb information as I readied myself to read my schoolbooks (that's one to many "as"ses <-- I'm being random again)

20 minutes into CSI, still nothing was making sense. I set the books aside - Tolstoy and Schoolwork, I was going to waste my time pretending that I could absorb anything.

So then I figured I can haul my lazy ass to the gym, if I can't use my brain on things that require thinking, I might as well do some physical training, that shouldn't require brain cells right?

There I was aboard the treadmill, still procrastinating, still with a blank gaze. As I paced to run, I could feel my heart literally pushing against my ribs, I was hurting by the drinking. I could feel the last of Mr. Tanduay pounding in my chest, I was out of breath by the first kilometre that I was left to walk the usual run. I had to finish the 5k that I committed to, I knew I could crawl it if necessary, which I eventually did.

So then I told myself, that's some progress, at least I was able to do some training in spite of the fact that I did some drinking the night before. Mind you, I'm not really good with managing the hangover feeling just yet. Pineapple juice works, I downed a liter of it, which really helped, or so I think. How come it didn't address this surge of blank thoughts?

Then I braved the mall for the purchasing errands. Then again, I may have pushed my luck too far, I was back to being useless. I scoured the mall, and nothing, zilch, my brain was feeling defeated by the thinking it was asked to do because the mall chugs out too many choices, I could not comprehend the complexity. I was exhausted.

So there, useless all because I've only started training my liver to take in alchohol recently, in this prime age of my late 20's.

Yes, that is my biggest regret in life, I didn't drink enough in college.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Drink List

I realized that I've developed a preference to certain concoctions whilst having aversion to some. I've never had rum coke before and last night was my introduction to Mr. Tanduay. Suprisingly pleasant. So yeah, I'd take rum coke/ rum sprite and definitely enjoy it. It's sweet taste is good for me, and chugging down a couple of tall glasses of it is all good for me.

Beer sits well in my books, especially if it's the Super Dry kind with the San Miguel line. Imported beers are good, provided they're the light brews, I can't manage the Guiness just yet. Red Horse, I'm afraid to try.

Vodka... I have nightmares about Vodka. Needless to say, I was young and hopeful when I first tried drinking vodka, I didn't enjoy the experience so the gag reflex with this alcohol is high, even the smell of it turns my stomach.

Gin, although initially I liked the taste of gin. Liking too much of something may have led to its demise in my list. In a noisy bar months ago, I drank one too many bottles of the Gilbey's brand (the green tea kind) that got me into some awful gag-reflex inducing action. I've never taken that many trips to the public comfort room before. I felt awful and I never want to replicate it so everytime gin's on the table, I take a pass.

Tequila's my best bet so far. I enjoy the straight up kind, with salt and lemon, and I also enjoy it with sweeteners and the food coloring, Margarita style. I had gotten drunk one time on this, screamed my head off during regular conversation but still no gag reflex and no bad-ass hangover the morning after which made it all good in my books if you ask me. I prefer to order this when I'm in a bar, as opposed to the usual beer.

Scotch, Johnny version is classic and cool to the lips. I heart this drink when it's on the table. The thick smell and the smooth trip down the pipes ranked this drink as one of my favorites. Feeling good after is an added bonus. This drink, taken slowly with the ice melting is like having a slow conversation with a fond friend, it gets more interesting over time. Such an old man's drink, but such a young girl's fancy as well.

Wine is tough on the senses. I tend to veer away from it because it's just too heavy and too fragrant for my taste. If given an option between red and white, I tend to lean towards the white variety, the refreshing-almost-like-grape juice taste is good enough for me. Although, developing my palette for this alcoholic concoction may be beneficial over time as people tend to drink wine as they get older. I suppose beer get's old at some point, that's why they there's tendency to drink fine wines.

Whisky, I'm too afraid to try just yet.