Juan Marco, The End

I had a dream last night, perhaps because it was the first time I've had 9 hours of sleep in a while. I have finally finished the Juan Marco story, a short I've worked on the past, but only now have I ventured to finish it. It has been years since I started writing it, only now has the ending been clear.

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I
It was 230am and I just had gotten back from a night with the boys. For some reason, they like to tag me along when they play poker. Since then, I've learned how to play, drink Whisky instead of beers, control my reactions when I get blanks and smile coyly when I want to bluff. Yes, the smiles work to my advantage, all the time. I'm a girl in a room of boys, they always think I can't play.

So I took a shower, readied myself for bed. Set my phone to ring an alarm at 8am, I was scheduled to run with my running buddy, Max. He's gotten me out of my tendency to procrastinate my running.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I checked it immediately, because I thought I overslept my 800am alarm. No, it was only 400am, and it registered a number on the screen, no name. I picked it up, figured it was the hospital, maybe they needed someone to cover today's shift.

"Hello..?", I said.

"Erin, is this Erin?", the old lady voice said on the other line.

"Yes mam, it is, how can I help you?", I'm always courteous to old people.

"This is Daisy. Daisy Regalado-Yu", all of sudden, I felt the chills. Mrs. Regalado-Yu, Cocoy's mom is calling me at 400am, what could she possibly want?

"Yes, mam. How are you po?", I said, I mean really, what do you say at 400am?

"Yes, good. I called because my son is asking for you. He is... ", her voice cracked. I'm a nurse, I know when voices crack like that, they usually mean something.

"Yes mam, he is...?", I wanted her to finish.

"Dying.", she said. "He has asked for nothing and no one else but you.", she finished. I wanted to crawl back to sleep. The whisky was pulling me into sleepyland.

"I..", I was out of words.

"Can I have the driver pick you up?", she said hurriedly.

"Ah ok mam.", with that I dragged myself out of bed, turned all the lights on, and took another shower.
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II
It was exactly 4:23am according to my watch when I rode the elevator down. I have a tendency to check the time when I'm nervous about something. I had the driver park the car at the designated visitor's parking area. The building where I lived had allotted slots for non-permanent parkers. It's actually quite convenient and useful at that moment, I thought.

They had me picked up by Cocoy's car. Ok, so it's still alive. His ragged white Honda, that he used to race with, complete with the racing seats, the carbon hood, the kick-ass shoes, the spoiler. And if being given the chance to look at the trunk, the big cylinders were probably still at the back. Cocoy used this car as an excuse to work, the money he earned went to this car, to Shaianne.

I asked him one time, "Why such a girly name for such a macho car?".

He said, "Because only a woman can make me this happy."

A thought bubble went over my head, "Boys and their cars... oh boy."

Shaianne still smelled like him, the dry smell of his cologne, the air freshener, the gasoline, the cigarettes. I sat in the back and asked the driver, "Where are we going, kuya?".

He replied, "Cardinal mam."

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III
The driver dropped me off at the lobby and there I was met by Cocoy's sister, Celine. She looked the same, albeit a little older and I noticed a wedding band on her left hand.

"Erin, thank you.", she said as she opened her arms to give me a hug.

I hugged her back without saying a word. I really didn't know what to say.

"Let's go.", she wiped her eyes, I could see the tracks of her previous tears.

We climbed the elevator and found ourselves walking to room 507 where there was a group of people standing outside the door. It was mostly comprised of Cocoy's friends, relatives. These faces were familiar and friendly to me but I could hardly recall their names. They looked at me and I nodded, smiled as I pushed open the door.

There was an anteroom prior to the actual hospital bedroom. Celine guided me inside. Mrs. Regalado-Yu was seated on a couch with her husband. Both of them stood up, she gave me a hug and I could see she was missing an earring. She looked like she hasn't slept in days. Mr. Regalado-Yu on the other hand, looked disengaged, like his eyes were hazy and lost.

As she let go of me, I said, "Tita Daisy, you're missing an earring.", she grabbed her ears and said, "Oh no.", then she smiled at me. "Still very observant Erin, very good.", Tita Daisy always thought I was clever when it comes to observing people, I just needed to break the surmounting anticipation, I needed her to smile.

I noticed that there were other people inside the anteroom. There's Romina, Cocoy's current girlfriend talking on the phone in one corner of the room and Leon, Cocoy's older brother asleep in another corner.

As I braced myself to enter the hospital room, Tita Daisy whispered this in my ear, "I've lost that earring for three days now, you were the only one to point that out.", I smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

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IV
The room was dark except for the flickering lights of the cardioscope by Cocoy's bedside. A nurse was seated on his left. She checked her watch as I went in, checked the monitors and sat back on her chair, wrote something on her clipboard and started tinkering with her ipod. She closed her eyes and rested her head.

"Coy.", I said.

"Erin, you came.", he opened his eyes, he looked older than his dad. He had lost a considerable amount of weight, I could see there were needle tracks on both of his arms, his eyes were sunk and beady, his once masculine shoulders now bones and skin. He signalled for me to grab a chair and opened his hand to be held.

I sat down and held his hand.

"What's...", before I could finish, he said, "Shush. Not the best time for questions.".

"Oh alright.", I said, I was fighting back tears. Cocoy had a strange relationship with drugs, when we dated three years back for three months, he was sober, clean because his parents urged him to go to therapy. This was the only time in Cocoy's adult life that he was completely clean. His circle of friends were friends with my friends. On one occasion, I just gave him a chance, we spoke and hit it off.

I remember he asked me, on that very day that I chose to give friendship with him a chance, "How come I've only seen you now, your friends always drink with us.".

"Well, you guys are the arrogant ones. I didn't know if I could take the arrogance.", I said honestly.

"Arrogant?", he laughed.

"Yeah, I didn't think you guys were otherwise.", I snipped.

He smiled and as they say, the rest was history. We found ourselves going out more often, dinners, beers, walks around the park, late night conversations. True to his nature, Cocoy spoke at length about many things. He likes to talk, write, about anything and everything. My wandering ADHD mind had struggled with that, I tried hard to listen.

Then one day, it got messy between us.

I recall feeling run over by a truck when he finally said, "Stop.".

The cardioscope flickered, made a loud toot-toot sound, I looked up at the nurse and she didn't move, so I figured, that wasn't a bad sound.

"I miss you.", he said. His hand was cold and mine were sweaty.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that.", I let go of my hand so I could wipe it dry. He grabbed it before I could let go. "My skin is no longer used to you.", I said.

He smiled and I could feel that he was slipping away. We nurses have a way of knowing when a patient is ready to cross the light, they lose that bit of life left in their eyes.

"I'm sorry.", he said and a tear fell from his left eye. I grabbed a tissue by the bedside table and I wiped his left cheek. I placed the palm of my hand on his face and I said, "Fly free Coy", with that I kissed his forehead, then the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and arched his head to look into my eyes.

Then he closed his eyes.

The toot-toot sound of the cardioscope started to slow down, the waves that represented the heartbeat were becoming more far apart. I could feel his pulse slowing down. The nurse stood up, opened the lights and called for the doctor. Almost everyone came in, doctors, nurses, relatives, friends, Romina was getting hysterical, Tita Daisy was sobbing into her husband's arms. I slipped away, left the room, I couldn't stay even if I knew exactly what was going on. I headed straight for the elevator. I went to the ground floor, by then it was 612am in my watch, the sun has risen. I took a cab home.

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V
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing again, it was 1030am. I checked the screen and as expected it was Max. I missed our 800am run. He had 9 missed calls, 10 text messages and 2 emails. I decided to ignore it for a while, I need a cup of coffee.

I dragged myself out of bed, made a cup of joe, and scrummaged for food in the refrigerator. I asked myself, "Why the hell do I not do groceries more regularly?", the only thing I found was a bowl of cold oatmeal. "Yuck", I said to myself and moved the bowl from the refrigerator to the sink. I checked every cabinet and found two cans of mushrooms, a pack of uncooked pasta, and a box of cream. Boo, all useless.

I brushed my teeth and cleaned my face. I grabbed my keys and a hundred dollar bill. Went to the convenience store and bought a proper breakfast, a hotdog with chilis, a pack of Marty's and a tall glass of pineapple juice. Went back up to the apartment, consumed said breakfast in front of the tube and pondered on how best to soothe Max's anger.

I was too lazy to do anything now. So I read and deleted all of Max's messages, gave him a call and told him the truth, though I think he didn't believe it. As I was talking to Max, a text message came in. It said that it was from Romina, and it listed the details of Cocoy's services, wake visit hours, funeral.

It was too painful for me to go, I was too scared. I loved Coy, but I don't think ...

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VI
The sound of the doorbell woke me, it was eactly 709pm according to my Casio watch. I had fallen asleep on the couch. I turned the tube off, opened the lights and headed towards the door. It was the Regalado-Yu's driver, he said, "Ma'm pinapabigay po ni Mrs. Regalado-Yu.", he handed me a long brown envelope.

He left without saying another word, I went inside to open the package. It was Cocoy's last will and testament, Cocoy stood to inherit the fortune his parents had acquired over the years. They were among the old rich and his share of his parents' fortune is not at all small. I read through all of the paperwork. A little post-it note was stuck on the side of the last page, it was from Tita Daisy, "Where's the Taguig flat?, Wink Wink".

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VII
The next day, I felt refreshed, eager to get through the day. I went to the grocery, bought proper food, I went for a jog with Max, and added a good hour and a half to our routine, impressing him of course. I even went as far as cleaning my car.

I finally got the call I was waiting for at 538pm that afternoon.

"Mr. Campos, go do it, sell the apartment. I can't live here anymore.", I said over the line.

"Ms. Erin, this is foolish. Where will you live?", Mr. Campos had said.

"Oh, I'll get by. Probably at my friend Gia's. Or who knows, I'll go home even, my parents could always take me in.", I said.

I went inside my bedroom, took out the ownership papers of the apartment. Coy had secretly given me this apartment years ago, he had placed it under my name. For whatever reason, I don't know. Maybe he felt guilty for not trying hard enough to make our friendship work, maybe because he had a lot of money to go around and I could use a place to live, or maybe he just wanted to care even if his heart asked him not to because I had hurt his heart in as much as he has hurt mine.

Then again, maybe he loved me more than we both could take.

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