Chocolate-laced Milk

I could never understand why I can't seem to accept conventional wisdom. Was it because I was fed milk laced with chocolate instead of regular milk as a child because I had an inexplicable gag reflex with regular milk?

Three years ago, I gained so much weight that the flight of stairs in our old house felt like torture. I had to prepare for the nursing exams and part of my routine was regularly consuming venti lattes and chocolate bars, s'more of hershey's to be exact. The overly processed sugar helped with the focusing and memory work. So after surviving said exams, I had to lose the weight, I knew it was bad for me to be that heavy. I signed up for gym and submitted myself to the torture. Strict keeping to the diet of the blandest food and hardwork proved to be my lifesavers. I lost so much weight that I could buy pretty dresses and flattering outfits, something I've not had the luxury to do in the past. As such, I gained a sensible amount of self-confidence, never been quite as comfortable with the mirror before, but the gym forces you to be comfortable looking at yourself in the mirror. These mirrors are everywhere in the gym and you have to constantly check your lifts and stretches, or else hurt yourself. Now, unfortunately kapabayaan I guess, I gained all of the weight back, all of it, and now I'm working hard to lose them again. I felt strongest physically and emotionally with less weight, must be the endorphins working its magic. The good news is, my favorite dress fits me again, I'm getting there. There are no shortcuts, no easy patches.

Still struggling with last weekend's breakthrough, my head's still spinning. It takes a while to accept all of that, and my mind's blank. I feel awful. Mahirap umamin na ako ang nagkamali, but that's the only way I can live with what I've done, take responsibility finally. Conventional wisdom dictates that I don't need to, but that just doesn't fit well in my books if you ask me. My thought patterns don't follow conventional wisdom, it's probably because of all that chocolate milk.